Hello loyal readers...so the saga of my life here has become trying to get a reliable internet connection that I can have access to at the very early and late hours of the day so that I can speak to people in the US when it is actually daylight (and not working hours) for you all. I find I am constantly having and internal dialogue with myself in which I am chastized for my utter dependence on internet and then consoled by thoughts of how blessed my life has been that I even got to develop a dependence on the world wide web. It has also spurred an interesting self=reflection about my need to have my expectations met. I have gone without internet access before...I have even gone without the ability to speak to my friends and family before (Jeff and I once spent 6 weeks and only spoke to each other one time for the msot glorious 13 minute phone call of my life-he was living in a mountain village in the Dominian Republic) Now I remember that as being hard, but somehow the knowledge that we could not speak but would get to in 6 weeks was enough to let me push my woes to the backburner and focus on more productive worries. Yet, here I feel like everyday I am worried if I am going to get to research what I need for work the next day, or if I will be able to see what news is being reported about the US, or if I will get to connect with any friends or family. I hadn't been prepared for how much time it would take to get this detail of my life here arranged. I wish someone had just told me...Sarah you are not going to have internet access in your home for 6 weeks in Ukraine...then I would look upon these hours in the library here as exciting blessings instead of a poor man's excuse for my expectation being met...grrr Help please! Anyone have thoughts about how to let unmet expectations role off my back more easily so that I don't find myself wanting to dwell on them even more? I don't want my days to be poisoned with resentful thoughts that I can't have what I thought would be easy to have. Just not sure how to get from here to there in one piece.
I hope you can forgive the self-indulgence of this post...it was brought on because last tuesday I was finally given a USB style modem and it worked perfectly and easily for three glorious days and then all of a sudden decided to freeze my computer and nearly wipe out my entire harddrive...and now all I want it to do is display a few lovely blue bars that signify that I have a gateway to any knowledge I could care to read about and a connection with those people and experiences that fill me up and make me feel whole again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
me.jpg)
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteYou have nothing to apologize for! I can only imagine how difficult this is for you or for anyone in your situation. But, remember, that God has given you gifts to prepare you and help you through situations like this. Sometimes it's not about getting over this feeling or situation, but rather living in the moment/in the uncertainty. Think of it as a blessing to help you slow down and enjoy the moments. In our world today, we have so many ways to connect, things to do, places to be and distractions to keep us busy. Take solace in your individuality.
These moments of question are expected. As you write in the blog, I also hope you are writing in a personal journal. I find that some of my most pure and transparent feelings are during times of unease. While no one really enjoys this moment, you will learn to embrace it and challenge yourself to do more, be more and thus learn more about you! I know you can do this. I believe in you and so do all of us. I cannot imagine a more deserving person of this opportunity and such a strong individual woman who will soar.
Email/Skype/IM anytime:krieff@creighton.edu, krieff1@gmail.com, katie2cr8on (yahoo, MSN, aol, google), ...signing up for Skype now.
I LOVE YOU!!!!